Turkey Brain

Last night I was a guest on the NPR show Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. I love that show. If I didn't I never would have exposed myself to the humiliation of the on air multiple choice quizz. After all, I'm probably the only person ever to take the SAT and fill in all the little circles at random. Really, I did that! And I was a good student, graduated with honors and all that -- but when it came to standardized tests I panicked. Dry throat, sweaty palms, thump thump thump in my chest. All the words on the test page blurred into an unreadable, unsolvable puzzle. I vowed never ever to take another test like that. And I haven't. Somehow I made it to college, graduated, and here I am. So why why why did I agree to do this show? Well, for one thing, I knew I wasn't supposed to get anything right. I mean, when Salman Rushdie was a guest his quizz was on the subject of Pez Dispensers. And Madeleine Albright was asked about the history of Playboy Magazine. Both of them wound up with a score of Zero right answers. So I shouldn't feel bad, right? I shouldn't feel like a total failure. Like a Turkey Brain, as Peter would say to Fudge. But I do. (This is just one of several flocks of turkeys who hang out at our summer place. Now I can relate to them -- sort of.)

When the phone rang, I didn't panic. I wasn't even that nervous. Until Peter Sagal told me the subject of my quizz would be the TV show, The Price Is Right. My first thought was, Is that the show with the three doors? I know I must have seen it a couple of times, probably in the 70's. Not that that helped. I'll only tell you that when the question had to do with themes on the show -- I choose Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice in an RV instead of the correct answer which had something to do with sauce. Sauce! And when given the choice between a contestant who was so excited when she was selected, she ran up to the stage and promptly lost her tube top, or a contestant who ran up to the stage, looked out at the audience, totally freaked, and ran out of the theater -- I chose the latter. The topless contestant was the correct answer. Who knew?!

The show will be broadcast this weekend. Check your local NPR station for the day and time. Where I am it airs on Saturday at 11am. When I hear myself I may be sorry I told you about it. I take that back. I know I'll be sorry I told you about it. But aside from my humiliating moment, it's a very funny show.
XX Judy